The Bizarro Pirates

Mon, Sep 21, 2009

Featured, Football


I have to think that Pirate Nation is on deck with me when I ask this question:

Why does a different Pirate team walk out of the locker room for the second half?

It seems like we have encountered a Bizarro Pirates team.  You can reference it from either a) Superman or b) ‘Seinfeld’ which referenced Superman. I haven’t read a DC comic book in quite some time so I am going to say that I referenced it with the ‘Seinfeld’ episode where Elaine encounters an alternate universe with the opposites of Jerry, George and Kramer where up is down, down is up and people say “Hello” when they leave & “Goodbye” when they arrive.

Seriously…it really feels like some kind of ‘Twilight Zone’ episode where a good football team walks through some kind of wormhole while walking into the locker room after the first half and comes back onto the field during the second half as a team that sucks. It is inexplicable…or is it?

@jamiemauldin responded to my query via Twitter by saying: “[The Pirates] keep forgetting where the locker room door is and thus do not make it to the field (this is my secret hope!).” Philip Martin responded to my query on Facebook about what was going on with our team in the second half by saying “maybe we need better coaching at half time, someone needs to fire those boys up or its gonna be a long season, and if that happens holtz will be skipping out of town.” I couldn’t agree more.

I guess Hollywood has completely fictionalized what is supposed to be going on in the locker room? Coaches must not give the awe inspiring pep talks filled with quotes like “Never show weakness, the only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.” or “We’re in hell right now gentlemen. Believe me. And we can stay here, get the [expletive] kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell… one inch at a time.“? It is time for Skip to get in there and start doing some great monologues to get these kids pumped to go out in the second half and dominate their opponents.

Tyler Grimes also responded to my Facebook query and he said “Learn how to run the football or figure out a way to get CJ back.” and followed up with “31 attempts for 60 yards is a joke. Control the line of scrimmage. That’s all I have to say about that !!!!” He is absolutely right. The Pirates should not be averaging less than two yards per carry. We have a stable of running backs that we should be going to so, that way, we can change around the running game. Get Stormin’ Norman Whitley in there for a few touches and see if he can throw a curve ball to the defense and get some good yardage.

Anyways, here is basically what happened during the last three games…separated by halves:


  • Appalachian State
    • We came out hot scoring on almost every chance that we got. We led 27-7 when walking into the locker room.
  • West Virginia
    • We were down 20-21 to one of the powerhouses in the nation.
  • UNC
    • We were down 14-21 going into halftime to one of the best UNC teams in recent memory.


  • Appalachian State
    • Ummm…we got pretty lucky and didn’t give up more than 17 points in the fourth quarter. If we had, we would have lost.
  • West Virginia
    • Ummm…just like at Q3…and now Q4…We were non-existent.
  • UNC
    • The highlight – we kicked a FG for our first offensive 2nd half points of the season. That is all.

What is comes down to is the fact that we have scored 66 points the entire season. That isn’t bad. What is bad is that we have scored 61 of those points in the first half of the games and only five points in the second half of the games. How can we expect to win a game if we can barely score in the second half? It is time for the Pirates to step it up for more than the first half of the game.

My fear is that our team is becoming predictable. Can our opponents figure out our strategy after one half and then completely dominate us? I hope not. Let me know what your thoughts are about this second half crisis in the comment section below.

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8 Comments For This Post

  1. Patrick Says:

    Great post dude … we must right The Ship this weekend at home …

  2. Joyce Says:

    I agree Charlie. I think that it is a serious problem. In our first two games I think that our playcalling was atrocious. Skip’s sphinxter was rediculously tight and he played not to lose. We have too many weapons to play like this. In the Carolina game, I think that there was an obvious talent difference up front. Carolina probably has the most talented front 7 we will see all year long. Our offensive line was whipped all game long, making it very tough on PP to throw the ball as well as making the run game nearly impossible. The good news is that we are now better than every team left on our schedule, except VT probably. We will learn alot about ourselves this week against UCF. If we lose this game, I fear we will not see post-season play. I, however, think we will win convincingly and go on to win the rest of our games minus the VT game on Thursday night(which is def. winnable). WVU and UNC are both very good teams who had our number this year due to upsets the last two seasons. The rest of the schedule will be gunning for the defending champ, but I feel that we have the talent to beat them. Hopefully, with the return of Levin Neal and Emmanuel Davis, as well as Mike Bowman and Dayon Arrington(my darkhorse for the season) on offense, I think we’ll be fine. We shall see!!!!!!

    GO PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. 2nd2none Says:

    I think they need to let the play makers make play’s. I seems like they are trying to please players instead of turning them loose and letting them do what they do.

  4. 2nd2none Says:

    I think they need to let the play makers make play’s. It seems like they are trying to please players instead of turning them loose and letting them do what they do. I hate to see good teams have coaches who care about their name rather than the Rep of the team. The best thing i can compair it to is John Fow caoch of the Panthers. Play small ball until you get down and the 4th quater comes then you play to win and from behind. Sorry for the first post trying to watch the Dolphins and Colts play lol.

  5. J Mohn Says:

    Put in a QB who can throw the ball down the field (Pinkney can not). You don’t have to keep that QB (Jordan/Kass) in there the entire game but at least give the D a different look for a few series’. The two QB system as worked for us in the past and right now we have no big play threat.

  6. ghostlikeswayze Says:

    Preciate all of the feedback. Looking forward to the UCF game, I believe that we are going to have to face some hard truths about our football program. Our train has been derailed and we need to figure out a way to get back on track on and win the conference championship.


  7. Jason Says:

    I dont think the Pirates want it that bad… They come out pumped up and that carries them through the first half and then they don’t have any fight in the second half… They appear a little wimpy… I also think that, although Pinkney is the better QB b/w he and Kass, not having the competition of Kass right behind him if he doesn’t play well is leading to uninspired performances… Anyway, I look forward to a solid win this weekend over Central Florid

  8. Space Wrangler Says:

    here’s an idea: throw on first and second downs. Not ALL the time, and not EVERY series; but when you are averaging less than 2 yards per run, you basically get to 3nd and 6 (average) with a very predictable play coming in from the sidelines. THROW. THE. BALL.